2.15.2009

Como es CrazyJuan77?

Duckhead and I picked up the new Street Fighter IV FightPads yesterday. Apparently Madcatz decided to sneak them out, and stores were running out fast it seemed. SO... We decided to get on Xbox Live to test our controllers, and try a few rounds of Street Fighter II HD Remix, (since Street Fighter IV isn't out until Tuesday). Overall I think the new controller worked very well. It's no SNES Ascii Pad (pronounced ah-sigh), but it's far better than the standard Xbox 360 controller, whose directional pad was never built for Street Fighter.** You need to understand that Street Fighter requires very specialized controllers to be able to perform the precise rolling motions needed for deadly and split second precision. There is no room in competition for a whiffed move here or there due to an uncooperative controller. This is the one time the artist CAN blame his paintbrush. But the new MadCatz controllers make the grade for the most part.

This post isn't about the controllers though. It's about a new friend Duckhead and I made online. When you play online, you can set it up to where other people can watch your fights and even challenge the winner. So we went back and forth, winning for the most part. Now I need to preface this story with something you may or may not know about me, I hate people. I think this country is full of brain-dead, poorly educated, barely alive zombies who laugh at TV sitcoms and don't know their times tables or the capital city of their own state. This is why I'll never be caught playing an MMORPG. People suck and should be killed, or at the very least just beat up a little. Not by me though, I'm too busy playing Street Fighter.

Street Fighter is the rare exception to the rule. Duckhead and I used to bounce around playing people in the arcades all the time back in the day. So to me, playing Street Fighter online is just recreating that experience. But, it's not the same experience. When you were in the arcades, people tended to be more reserved for fear of retaliation by their opponents, who were within arms reach. Not so anymore, when you're online you give the aforementioned morons anonymity, and they have the freedom to be themselves without fear of retaliation. Normally when I play online, I don't bother with a headset. I'm not interested in hearing the thoughts of the twenty-something I'm playing against. If he wins, it's because I suck and he's awesome, if he loses it's because I cheated somehow. Don't care, don't care!

My opinions have changed recently, enter CrazyJuan77. I haven't had so much fun playing a video game in a long time... Since I was playing with Duckhead, I threw on the Xbox Live headset, after blowing a layer of dust off of it. We were going back and forth, commenting here and there about the gameplay, responsiveness of the network and controllers and the like. All of a sudden CrazyJuan77 enters and chaos ensues.

Since I'm not in the room, you'll have to reach deep into your imagination and muster your most stuffy nerd voice and play along with me. So we're playing this guy, and every time he loses, he embodies everything I hate about playing online. We land a throw on the kid and we hear "Ah yes, the throw, the trademark of a desperate player about to lose." (remember the nerd voice) He loses a match and we hear, "You guys would suck without those controllers with the pre-programmed moves." Duckhead picks E. Honda (who he's actually really good with) and we hear "You know picking E. Honda is basically admitting you're gay." Of course Duckhead fires right back with "But I am gay." which made me laugh, and at 1AM, it was tough to stop laughing. After about 20 minutes of it I could barely play the game anymore. I had my headset muted cause I was laughing so hard as CrazyJuan77 went on to provide me with many more shining moments of entertainment, too many to list here. He finally finished with "You know, I remember a time when Street Fighter meant something." I almost passed out 'cause I couldn't catch a breath as the tears rolled down my face. I just yelled "When was that?" as I held my aching side and absorbed the fact that this twenty-something was trying to explain to Duckhead and myself a time when Street Fighter "meant something". Oh man... Good times.

The lesson I learned last night is that I need to use my headset from now on. Rather than be annoyed and hateful, I need to embrace the sheer entertainment value of my fellow humans out there. Thank you for enlightening me CrazyJuan77. Afterward, Duckhead and I played 2p co-op R-Type. I suggested we invite CrazyJuan77 to our game, but alas R-Type is only 2 players. We had a good laugh at his expense.

**Comment unsubstantiated according to Olaf

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