3.03.2009

Part 2: The iPhone is the greatest invention in the history of civilization.

In our last episode, I was convinced by a shady phone salesman to make a horrible financial decision.

As it turns out though, it wasn't so horrible a decision because the iPhone is the greatest invention in the history of mankind. Although Koop is quick to point out that the iPhone was created by aliens, not man. He's probably right, but just like I assist Google in their takeover of the world for the sake of my own convenience, I'm also willing to assist aliens in their takeover as well. Again, for my own convenience.

What's so great about this iPhone? Well, this is a screen capture I took from my own phone. As you can see there are a bunch of Icons floating around. Let me explain how awesome this is. The iPhone is an appointment book (Calendar), a camera (Snapture), a video recorder (Cycorder), and an alarm clock with world clocks, now I know what time it is at John's house (Clock). It syncs your contacts with your computer (Contacts), you can view Google Maps and Google Earth with assisted GPS and turn by turn directions. Using the GPS, you can find whatever is around you, like gas stations, hospitals, movie theaters or even Apple Stores (AroundMe). Built in Yellow Pages and Accuweather that dynamically updates based on your location in the GPS. Not enough? Download new apps in the store, or even new music for your iPod, which is built in. Did I mention that? Yeah, built in 16GB iPod. I can update my Twitter, chat with my many, many friends on AIM or ICQ, (okay I have 4 friends, maybe 5). Oh also a full featured web browser (Safari) is built in, pretty pimp right? That's only page 1, lets swipe to page 2...

On page 2, I can get the showtimes and trailers for the closest theaters to me (again, theough the GPS), I can browse tonight's TV listings on Comcast, find out where there's some free Wi-Fi in the immediate area, check on my eBay auctions, track packages through FedEx, and query Wikipedia at the touch of a button. RDP allows me to connect to my server desktop. If Radd's Basement ever has a problem, I can correct it no matter where I am. There's also a wealth of media available if my 16GB of space ever should fill up. SHOUTcast is the internet radio network that served Gaming FM for years. Pandora allows you to type in an artist and it will play selections from that artist plus randomly select similar artists and play their songs. Shazam will listen to a song through the iPhone mic and identify the title for you. It's like black magic. Heard it on the radio but never knew who it was? Never again. Orb and TVersity give me access to all the media on my server, music and video. I can watch Star Trek in the doctor's office now. I can also tune in to the latest episode of I suck at Soul Calibur thanks to the YouTube app. I can type quick notes, or make complex calculations like Olaf does.

You'd think that would be enough stuff to do on the go. But I'm not satisifed... Let's go to page 3: Here I can look at the memory and status of the iPhone and free up memory if I need to (iStat). I can leave myself an audio note or record what's going on in the room (iTalk). I can make a phone call with an altered voice and caller ID just like a spy... should that need ever arise (SpoofApp), or I can light up a dark room (Flashlight). I have a bubble level at my side whenever I need to straighten a shelf on the fly (Carpenter), and I know what and when my Xbox 360 friends are playing without turning on my system (Inside Xbox). I can watch a soothing Aquarium, or listen to some WhiteNoise, like ocean waves or a fireplace to help me sleep. I can play an Ocarina, literally, I can play a damn Ocarina on my iPhone, just like Link. Except he doesn't use an iPhone. I can detect whether people are humans or Cylons, I can pretend ti kill people with a Lightsaber, I can mark the spot where I parked my car at the mall and be led back to it with GPS when I'm done, or I can play Pac-Man, Tetris, or Frogger. It's got a nice 320x480 screen, and those iPhone owners with a keen eye will notice some other upgrades I've made to it ;)

You know what else? I can CALL PEOPLE with it. Yeah that's right. Now if you don't think the iPhone is the greatest invention in the history of the universe, even better than sliced bread and the wheel, then just stick with your regular old phone that just calls people and does nothing else except sit there and keep papers from blowing away and hold doors open. As for me, I'm stickin with my iPhone. This concludes today's lesson.

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